


tied down

by fiddle_stix



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Fluff, M/M, jicheol live together and are totally married, poor soonyoung, seventeen broke up, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 02:57:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8649004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiddle_stix/pseuds/fiddle_stix
Summary: what happens when one assumes the best for another? what happens when they get it wrong?soonseok





	

“Soonyoung… You’re not going to achieve your dreams when you’re tied down with me. You can’t be famous with me as your boyfriend. You might not see it now… But one day you will.”

Soonyoung only had one dream and that was Seokmin. Dancing came second.

The car door was closed. The engine revved.

How could he continue without his smile man?

Soonyoung didn’t notice the truck. And neither did the driver.

What am I without him?

And that’s the last Soonyoung could remember before his was sucked into darkness and blinding pain.

— (3 YEARS LATER) —

Soonyoung had lost contact with everyone since the crash. He changed his phone number and moved back to his home town. He had seen the rest of Seventeen on billboards and posters. Each now individual idols except for a duo between Vernon and Seungkwan.

Woozi had composed many more songs, most with Seungcheol, although they did not have an official group. 

Overall Soonyoung had decided that his once loved group of friends had forgotten him and moved on, which Soonyoung couldn’t be happier about. He was glad his friends were living their dreams and if one member couldn’t do so, he was glad it was him.

Right now he was at a specialist appointment in Seoul, which his mom had decided to schedule. He was nervous to visit the particular city, as he knew that was where the all his former members/friends still lived.

His mom walked beside him as she knew he liked to control the wheelchair he was confined to. 

He made in through the appointment with no panic attacks or sightings of any of the members and he was ready to let out a sigh of relief when a voice made him stop in his tracks.

“Jihoonie. You have to eat.” 

Soonyoung couldn’t forget the voice of his former leader even if he wanted to. His mom noticed his movements and turned towards him before noticing the two boys that stood a bit behind them on the footpath. 

To his horror his mother automatically said, “Seungcheol! Jihoon!” With a very motherly smile on her face before realising her mistake. Soonyoung buried his face in his hands as his whole body tensed.

Before he knew it Seungcheol and Jihoon reached him and his mother. Not immediately recognising him they greeted his mother.

Soonyoung had died his hair so they couldn’t recognise him by his hair colour but still Soonyoung was trapped.

He felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder and he slowly dropped his hands from his face.

“Hey guys.” He said quietly.

Jihoon got over his shook quickly, stretching his hand out to greet Soonyoung, although Seungcheol wasn’t as quick.

“Soonyoung?”

“Hey Seungcheol. How have you been?”

“I’ve been fine but what about you? How did this happen? When? You need to tell me everything.”

Soonyoung sighed, the response one he had expected. He turned towards his mother.

“I was thinking that I might stay in Seoul for a while before this happened so I booked a hotel for myself. You don’t mind if I stay a while do you?”

Soonyoung’s mother shook her head and gave him a smile, before kissing him on the head.

“See you.”

And with that Soonyoung turned back to his friends.

“Let’s find somewhere where your guys can sit then I’ll tell you it all.”

\---

“Why didn’t you tell us?” murmured Seungcheol.

“My legs didn’t work and you were all happily living your dreams. I thought that if I said something to you or told you that you would lose sight of your dreams. Someone told me that you couldn’t be famous if you’re tied down by others.”

Seungcheol looked hurt.

“Who said this?”

Soonyoung looked down at his feet. He had not told them about Seokmin and what had happened after their group disbanded.

“Soonyoung tell me who they are so I can go tell them how stupid that sounds.” Said Seungcheol.

“I… I haven’t told you everything.”

Seungcheol looked at him but this time his gaze was softened.

“Just after we disbanded, just after we had all signed and hugged and said we were going to visit our families. Just after that me and… well… Seokmin and I were talking and… Just before I got in the car that made me paralysed… He told me that if I wanted to be famous he couldn’t make me tied down by him. He told me I would understand one day. Then he left and I got in the car. I haven’t seen him since.” Soonyoung purposefully kept his eyes on his feet the whole time, and when he did look up both faces were filled with surprise and sympathy.

“I… Never… He never told us anything like that. Just that you’d lost contact like the rest of us.” Said Jihoon.

“Yeah well it doesn’t seem like something to bring up at brunch is it?”

“Soonyoung you don’t know how much we’ve missed you. All the time you were gone it was like something was missing. Even though we weren’t still Seventeen you were still supposed to be here. All the messages we sent.”

“I switched my phone numbers after the crash. I’ve missed you guys so much too. It made me so happy to see all of your posters when I went through the streets and when you guys released new music I was so proud. I’m glad you guys continued your dreams. I didn’t forget about you and I never tried to. When I was released from the hospital I went home I cried for days. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Soonyoung finished his little speech to wipe a tear off his cheek.

Seungcheol wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Jihoon placing a hand on his arm.

“We’re glad we know now.” Said Jihoon.

Soonyoung smiled and they sat there for a while.

“We should tell everyone.” Said Seungcheol.

Suddenly Soonyoung froze.

“We can’t… We can’t tell him.”

The two knew who he was talking about.

“Why not?” Said Seungcheol, although Soonyoung could tell that Jihoon had an idea about why.

“Because he’ll blame himself. He’ll think that it’s his fault this happened. It isn’t his fault. I don’t blame him. No-one can. I got in that car.”

“I thought you’d say that but we still have to tell him. To stop both of you from hurting even more.” Said Jihoon.

Soonyoung thought for a moment before saying softly, “Not yet. Please just not yet.”

They both pondered for a second before cautiously nodding their heads.

“But we can invite everyone over today right? Coincidentally everybody has a free day today and we were planning to meet up with everyone for dinner, round at Jeonghan and Jisoo’s. We can invite everyone over to ours now if you like though to introduce you then we’ll all go off for dinner. Would that be okay?”

Soonyoung nodded. “Sure but he can’t be there yet.”

Jihoon and Seungcheol gave each other a look that signalled they’d given in.

“He won’t be there. Promise.” Said Seungcheol, and Soonyoung knew he wouldn’t break it.

\---

If you were going to say that Soonyoung was nervous to see his former friends it would be an understatement. It was a miracle that Soonyoung hadn’t had one of his panic attacks yet but Seungcheol and Jihoon were still being cautious. 

Everyone was due to arrive any second and Soonyoung didn’t know what to do. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Soonyoung almost jumped out of his skin. He turned his back to the door, placing his head in his hands automatically. 

Jihoon placed a hand on his shoulder, passing a little strength to him, while Seungcheol opened the door.

“Hey guys!” Said Seungcheol.

“Hey what was the emergency?” Said a voice that Soonyoung immediately recognised as Seungkwan’s.

With all the strength and courage he could muster, Soonyoung turned his wheelchair to face the people who had just entered the door.

“Hey guys.” He said purposefully looking at his knee. There was silence before Seungkwan’s voice echoed around the room.

“Soonyoung you do not know how much I’VE MISSED YOU!” 

Arms wrapped around his shoulders and a head on his shoulder. With a small smile he reached his hand up to pat the younger’s head.

“Boo you’re smothering him.” Said Hansol.

“Shut up Handsoap, I’m giving him a hug.”

More people arrived and the reaction was fairly the same. When they had all gathered in Jicheol’s apartment, excluding Seokmin, Soonyoung started to explain.  
When he was finished he let out a breath and looked up at the faces that he had dearly missed, and they looked back at him all with similar looks of bewilderment and sadness.

Suddenly the boy was surrounded by people all trying to hug him. It was the one time since the accident that he didn’t get claustrophobic; because he was surrounded by the ones he had missed the most. He was surrounded by the people he loved.

\---  
It had been three weeks since Soonyoung had reunited with his friends and every night Soonyoung had woken up in a state of distress due to the images in his dreams.   
He was staying with Jihoon and Seungcheol after they insisted he took their spare room. They had so far not encountered Seokmin and Soonyoung was grateful that his friends hadn’t said anything to the younger boy.

He gently rolled himself out of his bed, pulling himself into the wheelchair beside his bed. Jihoon and Seungcheol had already headed off to work so he had the house to himself. Thankfully it was only on one floor so Soonyoung didn’t have to brave any stairs. He rolled himself into the kitchen and just as he was about to open the fridge there was a knock on his door that made him stop.

Assuming Jihoon or Seungcheol had forgotten something he made his way over to the door and pulled it open. 

As soon as he opened the door he wished he hadn’t. 

Memories rushed through his mind, he couldn’t breath and for once was thankful that he had a wheelchair, otherwise he would have collapsed. His eyes couldn’t look away and his head hurt. His heart felt like it was on fire and it was all too much.

Soonyoung couldn’t move, couldn’t even register that his body was going into panic mode. It was all too much, and his body was shutting down. Panic gripped him.

The last image he saw before he squeezed his eyes shut was the shocked face of the one he had so desperately wanted to avoid. Then Soonyoung descended into a full-blown panic attack.

\---

I couldn’t do anything. I was too shocked. 

Soonyoung was here? He was here in front of me. He looked different. His hair was his natural colour but he had eyes too old and saddened for his age. He looked as if he had experienced a thousand years of pain, loss and grief. By the time I had noticed the wheelchair that he sat in something changed. 

I noticed his breathing had fastened, his hands covering his face and my eyebrows furrowed. To anyone else this might seem a normal reacting but I had a gut feeling that it was somewhere close to a panic attack, which I had witnessed before.

I didn’t know how to comfort him, as every person panic attack is unique, so I dug my phone out of my pocket, and with shaking fingers, pressed down on Jihoon’s name. After a few rings he picked up, with a muttered ‘hey’.

“Jihoon? Jihoon? Is that you?” I stuttered.

“Yeah. What’s wrong? Seokmin?” I noticed to change in his voice, as it changed to concern.

I scrambled for words to describe the situation, but all I could say was, “Soonyoung.”

“What happened? Please don’t tell me-“ there was a muttered curse word and some mumbling on the other line, and I could tell that Jihoon was on high alert. “Where are you?”

“Your place,” I replied, voice shaky. “I think he’s having a panic attack.” I added my voice cracking.

“Shit. Look we’re on our way now. We’ll be there in five. Try not to touch him too much, it can make it worse. If he starts muttering your name, then…” He was quiet for a moment before muttering, “Then it’s really severe.”

I felt helpless, not knowing what do with my hands, or how to help.

“Jihoon?” I winced when my voice cracked.

“Yeah?” he asked, and I heard movement in the background.

“Why is he in a wheelchair?” I asked my voice small, not noticing the tears streaming down my face.

There was silence on the other line before a quiet voice said, “He got in an accident. I- I’ll explain everything when I get there, okay?”

More tears flowed down my cheeks as I dropped onto my knees next to Soonyoung. Gently reaching my hand out I gently scratched the small space behind his ear, similar to petting a puppy. Soonyoung froze, hands dropping from his face, eyes meeting mine again. I moved my finger nail down to his neck, to softly trace a line to the top of his spine. 

I saw some panic ebbing away from his demeanour, as I continued to gently draw circles on his neck with the tip of my nail. He slowly raised his hand towards me, looking like a child asking his mother for a hug. I complied, gently pulling him into my lap, head rested under my chin as I resumed the patterns on his neck. With my other hand I held him close, rocking back and forth slightly, placing a light kiss on his forehead. 

“Seokmin.”

The voice was quiet and I knew that it was not in a state of panic. The two syllables held so much weight; sadness, longing, hope. But above all it felt like home.

“Soonyoung.”

My voice cracked for the millionth time today and I felt soft hands cup my face. I opened my eyes, which I didn’t realise I’d closed, and looked down at the only face I wanted to ever wake up to. My breath hitched as I caught the look in his eyes. His expression made my chest feel tight and my throat close up. 

“Seokmin. Please don’t go again.”

The words made tears flow faster from my eyes.

“Never. I’m never letting you go again,” I said in a shaky whisper, pressing a kiss to his forehead, rocking us side to side gently. "Promise."

I heard fast footsteps and Jihoon and Seungcheol appeared in the doorway. Soonyoung’s head had fallen back to my shoulder, and I was faced with the two’s looks.  
“Look I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to turn up here unexpected. I just needed to talk to you about some lyrics, and this is the first place I thought to look. Sorry I didn’t call or anything,” I said with a frown.

“No. It’s okay. It’s not your fault,” said Seungcheol, but Jihoon raised an eyebrow, clearly seeking to argue with the statement. Seungcheol simply grabbed the smaller boys hand to calm him. 

“Look I’m assuming he’s staying here so if you could tell me which room in his, I’ll put him there and leave you in peace,” I offered.

“No. You promised,” said Soonyoung, his voice cracking like mine had done.

“Promised what?” asked Jihoon, but he received no reply.

Finally Seungcheol stepped forward and said, “I’ll show you the way,” grabbing Soonyoung’s wheelchair on the way. I placed a hand securely around the boy’s legs and torso, picking him up bridal style, and following Seungcheol through his house. When we reached the room I saw that it looked like someone had been occupying it for a while. 

“How long have you been staying here?” I asked to the boy in my arms. When I got no response I looked down, noticing that he was asleep. With a smile I looked up at Seungcheol, hoping he could give me an answer. 

“Around about three weeks I think,” said a voice from behind me. Turning around I noticed Jihoon at the door way. “I think this is the first time since he came, that he’s fallen asleep that easily.”

I nodded at that noticing the sentence that came after that, left unsaid. 

“Well I’m sorry for disturbing you and I’ll let you two get back to work,” I said making my way over to the doorway. Jihoon looked me in the eyes for a few moments before he let out a sigh. 

“If you’ve got nothing to do, would you mind staying? You know if he wakes up and that. I just don’t, you know, want him to be all by himself.”

I could tell how hard the words were for him to say, so I simply nodded reassuringly. I received a thankful nod from Jihoon and a pat on the back from Seungcheol, before it was just Soonyoung and I left in the apartment. I took a seat in the armchair and felt surprisingly tired, drained of energy from all the unexpected emotions I had recently experienced. Before I could think of anything else my eyelids were drooping and my mind was overtaken by dreams.

\---

I woke up in my bed, slightly disorientated. I felt a pang in my chest as I remembered the vivid dream that I had just experienced. Tears welled in my eyes as I remembered how Seokmin had appeared at my door; how he had promised to never leave. My chest felt tight at the thought of all the things I couldn’t have.

As I looked around my room, trying to calm my breaths, I noticed a figure asleep in an armchair. My eyes widened as I recognised the figure that constantly invaded my dreams. 

“Seokmin,” I gasped, trying to make my way to the sleeping figure, in my mind cursing my inability to move my legs. I managed to pull myself off the bed, landing on the floor with a thud, which managed to somehow jerk the sleeping boy awake.

“Soonyoung? Why are you on the floor? Are you okay?” asked the now awake boy, who rushed to my side.

More tears replaced the sad ones, this time happy ones. “Am I dreaming?” I asked, scared of the answer.

“Of course not. I’m as real as they come,” he said placing my hand on his arm. More tears escaped onto my cheek as something broke in my chest. I couldn’t breathe but this time for all the right reasons. I grabbed Seokmin’s shoulders pulling him into a hug. This of course meant that I was yet again in his lap, which was the only place I ever wanted to be. I relished in the moment, before I remembered his words from all those years ago. Immediately I pulled away, withdrawing my hands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to force you into anything. I haven’t forgotten what you said back then. I’m so-“

I was cut off by gentle hands over my mouth.

“No. You don’t get to apologise. That night I made the biggest mistake of my life. I thought I was being selfless when I forced you to let me go, but seeing you now. I can just imagine how different everything could have been if I didn’t stuff up like that. I should never have done that. I understand if you hate me for what I did. I wrote so many songs for you, about all of my regrets. All I want to do is say I’m sorry.”

I held his gaze, hating how sad he looked. I decided to save explaining all the events between our breakup and now for another time, instead pulling his face towards mine and just before his lips met mine I asked, “May I?”

I didn’t receive any verbal answer simply his lips on mine. It was the kind of kiss that made me know that I was never so happy in my whole life. The kind of kiss that had already been exchanged a thousand times between the eyes, before the lips even got close to each other. It was the kind of kiss that made you forget the meaning of time.

It was the kind of kiss that was the first step, that promise and endless amount after it. The kind that could never be held back; never be tied down. The kind of kiss that never really ever stopped.

**Author's Note:**

> hey izaac again! soonseok in underatted in my opinion. hope you enjoyed.
> 
> also cross-posted on wattpad


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